Editor's note: If you visited our paNESian press homepage this month, you would have found that we had a mascot contest going on. If you missed it... too bad.

Tato: Well, today we're here to find out who the new mascot for the paNESian press is! Isn't everyone excited?

Crowd (1 person-Tato's Mom): YAY YAY! paNESian press all the way! You luck so cute in your tuxedo Wadey! Oh...

Tato: SHUT UP! Err...I mean...please ladies and gentlemen, stifle your excitement for just a moment as I read back to you the nominies for the paNESian press mascot!

NOMINEE 1: GOEMON!
Goemon: Me really rikey to rock and roll all night and party every day sanjo!

NOMINEE 2: THE NOID!
Noid: Does anyone have any change? So hungry...the burning...make the burning hunger stop!

NOMINEE 3: THE DONS!
Donny: I got my Hydlide carts right here Sqwirly boy
Sqwirl: GULP Please god no...please god no...please god no...

NOMINEE 4: DOCTOR JECKYL!
DrJ: I will surely walk away with the title of mascot. If I didn't, that would mean that the readers of this newsletter are imature morons with average IQs of 70 or below. Oh shit....i'm screwed.

NOMINEE 5: MR. HYDE!
Tato: Uhh...where the hell is Mr. Hyde? Shit, he's not here. Well, whatever. Time to read the name of the lucky out of work loser who gets to be are mascot. Here's the rankings:

5th place: Mr. Hyde
4th place: Dr. Jeckyl
3rd place: The Dons!
2nd place: Goemon

Which makes the Noid our winner and the PANESIAN PRESS MASCOT!

Sqwirl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Donny: Come on boy, I've already got the industrial size barrel of vasaline ready for some good ol' fashioned cart sex0ring.
Noid: YEAH BABY! Who's bad? I'm bad! You know it...
Tato: Well, this is the time when I wish to thank you all for voting and...
DrJ: I didn't...get....one...vote...
Tato: Umm...but you did get a vote Dr. Jeckyl
DrJ: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Tato: Holy shit! Dr. Jeckyl is Mr. HYDE!
Goemon: You mean you didn't know that? What a stupid lazy american.
Mr.H: I AM BEST MASCOT ARE I!
OSG: Hey Tato. Sorry i'm late, I got hung up in traffic on my tricycle.
MrH: FLESH! I CRAVE THE FLESH OF INNOCENTS!
Tato: Watch out OSG, Mr. Hyde's gonna...
OSG: ARGH! He bit me!
Mr.H: Ah. That really hit the spot. Later guys, i'm gonna go pick up some chicks in this fly bicycle of OSG's
Tato: Are you alright OSG?
OSG: I don't feel too well...
Tato: HOLY SHIT OSG! You're mutating!
OSG: Really? I don't feel tooooooooooooo ARGH!
Tato: Oh my god! OSG has mutated into a Canadian skating rabid ballerina polar bear with a mild case of scitzofrenia and attention deficit dissorder!
OSG: GRRR...
Noid: Who cares? I'm number one baby! I'm number one! I'm number one!
OSG: ARGH!
Noid: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Tato: YOU ATE THE MASCOT! That's a bad OSG!
OSG: GRRRR
Tato: I'm sorry! The Noid was annoying. It's a good thing you ate him
OSG! Have a treat.
OSG: No better butter boyee!

ALL HAIL THE NEW MASCOT!

The Canadian skating rabid ballerina polar bear with a mild case of scitzofrenia and attention deficit dissorder!

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